hope for the best but always expect the worst.
i let you in, more than i had let any guy into my life before. i hadn’t previously let anyone that close because i was scared of what you wound up turning around and doing to me. so you proved me right. those walls we all tend to build up are for reasons. you killed my self-esteem. everything you said made sure of that. i don’t get how anyone could say what you said about someone you supposedly “care” about. well, you don’t care about me and that explains it right there. but how could you act like you did for so long? and for what? well, i know what. but i’m angry and disheartened. apparently you can’t expect much from people, you just have to hope that they don’t turn around and hurt you.
nostalgia.
isn’t it crazy how during specific times in your life, you can’t imagine anything ever changing. but somehowyou look back and it all changed. now whether you consider those changes for the better or worse, all those little changes add up and things become so different. you can’t imagine loosing certain friends or lovers. you can’t imagine that your style in clothes and music would ever be much different. you can’t imagine how your body will grow and how your face will mature. when we’re experiencing specific times in our lives and we’re comfortable with the way things are during those specific times, it’s so hard to imagine it all evolving into something new.
that is when nostalgia comes into play. we become nostalgic when we think about how we used to be and how things used to be. because certain ways we used to act were once a part of us. and certain things we used to do made us happy. those things may no longer be a prominent part of us and those certain things may no longer make us as happy, but at one point it gave us a content feeling which is why we never imagined it changing. nostalgia arises every time you remember that feeling. but it’s not just mentally recalling the feeling, it’s physically rediscovering the feeling you once had/ even after everything is different. it’s that pit in your stomach almost like, but not quite, butterflies. it’s the feeling that causes your eyes and throat to swell. that is true nostalgia.
